If I ever needed a brain transplant, Id choose a sportswriter because Id want a brain that had never been used.- Norm Van Brocklin When I was 13, I transferred to a new school for the first time. I had spent ten years from junior kindergarten through Grade 8 at the northwest corner of Bathurst Street and Viewmount Avenue in midtown Toronto. It was my home court advantage. I knew the roll of the rims and the carom of the walls and which teachers were lax at taking attendance. It couldnt last forever. At some point a promotion was coming, and my record setting minor league career wouldnt matter once new maths and makeup-laden girls challenged all that I had honed. I was heading to St. Andrews Junior High. Grade 9. The Show. Embarking on my first day in the wilds of the public school system, I knew I had to make my mark early. Mr. Pelech, my clever English teacher, noticed my t-shirt just minutes into the first class. It was a tattered, ink-drenched Grateful Dead concert tee. He remarked that "Grateful Dead" was an example of a contradiction. Contra what now? Coach tapped my shoulder and I hopped the boards. I proceeded to argue with a shellshocked Mr. Pelech for several minutes. My arguments were lithe, varied and completely illogical, but I had been trained to stand my ground no matter how ridiculous my position. Eventually, a hapless Mr. Pelech scanned the class and sputtered, "Just who is this guy?" Each one of my classmates shook their heads sheepishly as if to say uh, dont look at me. Mark made. Within two weeks I owned that school. They didnt realize the repressed explosiveness that ten years of private school Yiddish lessons would unleash. It is in this brazen spirit I introduce myself to you now, Dear Reader, as your new weekly columnist for Bardown. Why was I chosen as The One to guide you through the international sports landscape, particularly with so many scribes vying for your sports-saturated eyeballs? Commence the elucidation (AKA bring da noize): Basketball. This is my wheelhouse. I know all the lyrics to Kurtis Blows Basketball and I have for decades. I own a Sweet Georgia Brown-humming Harlem Globetrotters pinball machine from 1979. I still play pickup every week at a local high school against stiff competition in their very extremely late twenties. Also, I was an associate producer for the Toronto Towers of the NBA for nearly 500 games, post-games, pre-games and exactly five playoff games. Ooh, another thing, I call the Toronto Raptors the Toronto Towers because I have some self-respect. Baseball. I spent five teenage summers selling peanuts outside the Dome under the alias Mike Simmons. Despite a promising career as a sidearm Eephus pitch-throwing specialist, the leagues advanced scouts were never able to unravel the mysteries of my potential, because apparently throwing over the plate was a "prerequisite for success". Racists. I submit that using the All Star Game to decide home field advantage in the World Series is akin to the winner of the submission portion of Americas Funniest Home Videos determining the nominees for The Oscars Best Picture award. Also, you can thank me for getting the old Blue Jays logo back, as days after writing this piece, the marketing director for the Jays was following me on Twitter, and months later a new logo was born. Also, my therapist says I have something called a narcissistic personality disorder. Football. In 1998, I moved to Los Angeles to pursue the dream of being rich and famous which is why you know me so well today. That same year I became a fan of an upstart outfit known as the Baltimore Ravens because I thought Ray Lewis was almost definitely innocent of murder and I am obsessed with Edgar Allan Poe. Fifteen glorious seasons later I have two championship rings (made of foil and buttons) as my testament. I have correctly predicted, in pre-season, the Super Bowl participants for 13 consecutive years and I defy you to prove otherwise. (Note: Please dont reference my Twitter feed. Just be cool. This claim is all I have.) Hockey. I worked camera on the 2003 documentary A Day in the Life of the Maple Leafs so I know a thing or two about hockey. Well, exactly two things. One, when I was eight years old, my teenage neighbour convinced me his Mats Naslund rookie card could be mine for the extremely low price of my 1979 O-Pee-Chee Wayne Gurtski rookie card. (Note: I have forgotten how to spell that particular Edmonton Oilers name. At least my night terrors have subsided.) Two, I have developed an algorithm demonstrating the NHL to be the worst run league in the history of Industry. It involves a complicated geometric measurement involving my eyes and common sense. (A fact I will gladly prove over and over again until they, oh I dont know, realign the conferences to have an equal amount of teams. Lets start there.) Fantasy Sports. I Am Legend. In its heyday of 2001, my sprawling website, mikegallay.com, was a sports fantasy powerhouse boasting 16 writers covering all sports, catering to an audience of nearly 16 unique daily readers (and fans of ravines who misspelled mygulley.com). Chances are, if you were a Canadian sports fan in the early 2000s, you were reading articles about topics we also covered on mikegallay.com. The Professor And Mary Ann. I will happily cover all the secondary sports every time a participant either murders someone, is attacked by a spouse using the tools of their own sport, has sex on camera on TMZ, or breaks an important racial, cultural or gender barrier while also keeping our interest for more than eight minutes. Thats my pledge. Am I the precisely correct author to bring you whimsical, satirical, deadly accurate analysis of the sports that matter to you? Absolutely. And can I say that with total sincerity because part of my contract stipulates I have no editor? Two for two. Have I earned your attention to read my column next week? Lets put it this way. My topic will be 23 Ways to Make Over 7K a Week Working Part Time From Your Couch. My third column will be Bardown Seeks New Columnist, No Experience Required. Gallays Poll #1 What would you like to see Gallay write about in his next column? a) A 20,000-word essay conclusively proving Mike is the third Williams sister. b) Doug Gilmours Secret Recipes for 3am Snacks. c) My Weekend In The Hamptons With Barry Bonds. d) No column, just use this space to expand Badminton coverage. Chris Doleman Jersey . -- Pinch-runner Rajai Daviss decision to steal third base just as Oakland catcher Derek Norris was throwing the ball back to the pitcher caught most everyone by surprise -- including several of his Detroit teammates. Paul Krause Vikings Jersey .com) - DAngelo Harrison posted 21 points to guide No. http://www.authenticvikingspro.com/Dru-samia-vikings-jersey/ .C. -- Jackson Whistle made 26 saves for his first shutout of the season as the Kelowna Rockets blanked the visiting Lethbridge Hurricanes 5-0 on Saturday in Western Hockey League action. Alan Page Vikings Jersey . Alina Fodorova of Ukraine took third place. Broersen based her gold-medal performance on great high jumping, and finished with 4,830 points, while Theisen-Eaton, from Humboldt, Sask., set a national record of 4,768. Jalyn Holmes Youth Jersey . -- Another baseball tradition is about to largely disappear: a manager, with a crazed look in his eyes, charging the field and getting into a face-to-face shouting match with an umpire.While the results of this season are obviously disappointing for the Vancouver Canucks -- disappointing enough to cost GM Mike Gillis his job -- this isnt necessarily a team in a terrible position. In fact, with a few improvements, this could very well be a decent team over the next few seasons. I will go into more detail when digging into the Canucks Off-Season Game Plan, which will be coming earlier this year since they are part of the non-playoff contingent, there are some reasons to think this is a favourable situation for President of Hockey Operations Trevor Linden and whomever he selects to be the new general manager. This isnt to say everything is just fine, but there are teams in far worse situations than the Canucks. A look at some of the positives: Despite this season going off the rails, the Canucks ranked ninth in Fenwick Close, a measure of puck possession. Among the top dozen teams in that metric, only the Canucks and New Jersey Devils (who are an impossibly terrible 0-11 in shootouts) are not in playoff position. So why is that a positive? The Canucks arent going to the postseason, in large part, because theyve been terribly unlucky around the net. Their 7.2% even-strength shooting percentage is ranked 25th in the league this year after it was middle of the pack -- 15th (8.0%) and 14th (7.8%) -- in the previous two seasons. Its very difficult for a team to stray too far from the average over a longer period of time and while this doesnt mean the Canucks can just assume that they will score more next season, its pretty easy to forecast better luck for this group. As low as the team shooting percentage is at 5-on-5, having the likes of Alexandre Burrows, Chris Higgins, Ryan Kesler and both Sedins, their big minute forwards, all under 8.0% makes it likely that there will be some recovery towards more typical production, particularly because the Canucks top forwards still had strong seasons in terms of puck possession and as long as they are controlling play, the odds are in their favour that more pucks will end up in the oppositions net. Add a bona fide scorer to the mix and the odds of recovery would be even better. The Canucks have a solid group of defencemen. The top four of Dan Hamhuis, Kevin Bieksa, Alexander Edler and Jason Garrison is more than capable of anchoring a playoff team. Garrisons possession numbers took a dive this year but, on the whole, this group isnt a primary issue. Even better, they have relatively economical options Chris Tanev and Ryan Stanton to round out the top six. Tanev is also a viable candidate to move into the top four if one of those named above is convinced to waive a no-trade clause in order to upgrade elsewhere. There was a lot of talk around the trade deadline about Edler being available and, while it must be with the understanding that Edler was the unluckiest of Canucks blueliners this past season in terms of percentages going awry, he would be a top pair defenceman for quite a few teams and, since those arent made available often, he ought to bring a significant return. Also, as I noted on Twitter, the Canucks were on a 106-point pace through the first half of the season, but as January rolled around, they had some overlaapping injuries.dddddddddddd At some point, it was either Edler, Burrows, Roberto Luongo and/or Henrik Sedin missing time and they didnt have the depth to make up for those absences. That lack of depth brings us to some of the concerns that the new management will need to address. One, their core is older. Among the top six forwards in average ice time, 28-year-old Mike Santorelli, an unrestricted free agent coming off shoulder surgery, is the only one that wont be 30 by the time next season starts. On defence, Edler (27) and Tanev (24) are younger, but Garrison turns 30 in November and Bieksa and Hamhuis are already beyond. This doesnt mean that the moment a player hits 30, that they cease to have value, but age makes professional athletes a declining asset at a certain point and, by age 30, the vast majority are declining assets and most of Vancouvers core is in that neighbourhood now. Their goaltending situation, not-so-long-ago enviably deep, is decidedly suspect. 26-year-old Eddie Lack has had an okay rookie season, though if he had played well in January (1-5-2, 2.95 GAA, .908 SV%), that might have prevented, or at least slowed, the teams fade from contention and then his first couple weeks following the Luongo trade (.882 SV% in 8 GP) were a little rough as well but, on the whole, Lack has given the Canucks more than they had any right to expect from him coming into the season. Lack has played well enough to have a shot at competing for the starting job next year, with a veteran added to the mix to provide stability. There are free agents ranging in experience (Ryan Miller, Jaroslav Halak, Jonas Hiller, Brian Elliott, Ray Emery, Thomas Greiss) or a trade option like James Reimer that could upgrade the position from its suddenly subpar standing and an above-average possession team with stable goaltending is most of the way towards the playoffs. There is also the matter of Ryan Kesler reportedly asking out of Vancouver prior to the trade deadline. If that holds true, then there would be at least one blockbuster move to take care of this summer, but Kesler recently indicated that he intends to return to Vancouver next season. Even if they are capable of returning to the playoffs in short order, and thats possible, the Canucks need to beef up their young talent throughout the organization so that, even if the Canucks arent necessarily Cup-bound in the next couple years, that they have enough to be competitive as the core moves on. Young roster wingers Nicklas Jensen and Zack Kassian still have some potential to explore but may not ultimately be top-six performers. Bo Horvat and Brendan Gaunce, first rounders the past two seasons, could provide solid two-way play when they are deemed ready to play, but the Canucks need more. These are the challenges that come with the job for anyone running a hockey team and, given the Canucks above-average core, they have some easier issues to deal with than some other non-playoff clubs that dont have that foundation in place. Scott Cullen can be reached at Scott.Cullen@bellmedia.ca and followed on Twitter at http://twitter.com/tsnscottcullen. For more, check out TSN Fantasy on Facebook. ' ' '